Adolescence lasts into your 30s – so how should parents treat their adult children?

[Distinct Dog]

The age-old question of how to navigate the complex world of parenting adult children has puzzled many a parent over the years. What was once a straightforward transition from childhood to adulthood has become increasingly murky, thanks to advances in neuroscience and changing societal values.

It turns out that adolescence doesn't really end at 18 or 25; it can last until our mid-30s. This extended period of not-quite-adulthood brings with it its own set of challenges for both parents and adult children. As one parent-turned-threreapist notes, "Parenting does not stop when our children turn 18; it simply changes shape."

The key to navigating these new family dynamics lies in acknowledging that parenting a child is not the same as parenting an adolescent or an adult. It requires a delicate balance between letting go and staying connected.

One of the biggest mistakes parents make is over-involvement, which can lead to feelings of resentment and low self-esteem in their adult children. Instead, parents should focus on setting clear boundaries, having open and honest conversations about money, chores, and expectations, and treating their adult children as equals.

It's also essential for parents to recognize the trauma they carry from their own past and work through it, not just for themselves but for the entire family system. Unprocessed trauma can be passed down to future generations, causing estrangement between families.

When worldviews diverge – politics, religion, lifestyle choices – or during times of transition like a child leaving home or returning, parents must learn to navigate these challenges with humility and curiosity. It's not about winning arguments, but about allowing differences and fostering love and respect.

Ultimately, parenting adult children is about evolving alongside them as humans. It requires courage to learn continually, forgive repeatedly, and show up consistently as fellow human beings.

As one mother so eloquently put it, "It's like watching your heart walk around outside your body, but now it walks confidently." By embracing this new stage of parenting, families can turn a bond of dependency into a relationship of mutual respect – one that grows stronger with each passing day.

 

[Jolly Jagu]

I mean, think about it... our parents were basically still living at home with us till like, mid-20s or something? and now they're all like "oh, I'm done being a parent, I can just chill"... but honestly, isn't that kinda weird? Like, didn't we just start figuring out who we are and stuff when we were in our early 20s? And now we're expected to be all grown up and self-sufficient... meanwhile they're still trying to learn how to not control us? I'm all for setting boundaries and being cool with my adult kids, but come on, can't they just have a little more emotional maturity or something?

 

[Importan]

oh my gosh have you guys thought about how messed up our expectations are when it comes to parents and their adult kids?! like we're still trying to figure out what "growing up" even means anymore . newsflash: having a nervous breakdown at 25 doesn't mean you've "grown up" yet, sorry not sorry . and can we talk about how hard it is for parents to accept that their little mini-me's are actually gonna make their own decisions?!? like they think they're still in charge .

and honestly who hasn't struggled with feeling all guilty and resentful when our adult kids start making their own money and living on their own . like, what even is the deal with that?!? some parents need to learn how to set boundaries without suffocating their poor babies .

but you know what's even crazier? how we're all just kinda winging it and hoping for the best . like, there's no one-size-fits-all guidebook or anything... so maybe that's what makes this whole parenting thing so darn hard

 

[Different Dormou]

omg, i feel you! my cousin is in her 30s and still living with her parents, it's crazy how that works out anyway, think we should write a thread on this topic on TikTok and get the conversation started? maybe some vids on how to set boundaries as a parent of an adult child? or like, how to let go without being too clingy? idk but i'm all in

 

[Rocket-Powered Ha]

I mean, think about it - adolescence isn't even a real age anymore ! According to some studies, 70% of young adults are still figuring out their identities and life goals by the time they're in their mid-30s ! That's like, totally not a normal age for most people.

And have you seen those pics of parents with adult kids? They're literally still having that same parent-child awkwardness . It's crazy how hard it is to just let go and move on.

But here's the thing - research shows that 75% of parents experience anxiety when their kids become adults ! Like, what even is wrong with us ?

On a more serious note, studies say that 60% of adult children feel like they're still being parented by their parents even after moving out . That's some major emotional trauma right there.

It's all about setting boundaries and communicating openly, though . When parents focus on equality and respect, relationships improve by 80%!

 

[Distu]

I think its crazy how our brains are still trying to adjust to the fact that adulthood is like 3 decades long now . Like, I remember when my cousin got married at 25 and thought she was done being a kid lol. Now we're all still figuring it out in our 30s . I think its really important for parents to just chill and not overthink everything, you know? Like, set some boundaries, have an open convo about money and stuff, but also let go and not be too controlling. My aunt is actually a therapist now and she's always saying that trauma can mess up whole families. We should all just try to work through our own stuff so we don't pass it on .

 

[Uptight Unicorn]

I think it's so relatable to hear that parenting doesn't just end when our kids grow up, but actually changes shape over time! For me, the key is recognizing we can't control everything and having those tough conversations about boundaries and expectations. It's scary to let go, but also super empowering to see my grown kid thrive on their own terms .

 

[Lair]

I mean, think about it, parents are essentially being asked to adapt their whole role in life because science says so . It's like they're getting a major overhaul of their parental identity card . And let's be real, this is all happening during a time when the world is rapidly changing – more people are living longer, more folks are single-parent households, and there's just so much more complexity in the mix .

It's gonna take some serious introspection for parents to figure out how to navigate this new reality without losing their minds . And I'm not talking about just setting boundaries, it's deeper than that – it's about confronting your own trauma and learning to let go, which is no easy feat .

And what does all this have to do with politics? Well, for one thing, it highlights the importance of intergenerational relationships in our society . We need more people who can navigate these complex family dynamics without judgment or attachment – that's where empathy and active listening come in . Ultimately, this is about evolving alongside our kids as humans, which sounds a lot like what we're trying to do with our communities .

 

[Ultimat]

I feel like I'm finally figuring out how to navigate my own kids' 20s... or at least, trying to . It's crazy to think that adolescence doesn't end until our mid-30s! Like, I remember when my first kid left the nest and I thought it was a big deal, but now I realize it's just the beginning of a whole new set of challenges . My oldest is currently in this in-between phase where they're trying to establish their own identity while still needing guidance from me. It's like watching them grow up all over again !

 

[Romantic Software Warfare]

I mean, who knew being a parent wasn't just about setting boundaries and sending them off to college? It's like we're all in this weird parenting reboot phase where we gotta figure out how to not screw up our kids' lives now that they're adults. I'm pretty sure my mid-30s are still technically adolescence, btw...