Dear Abby: Husband is aware of wife's secretive comings and goings

When a marriage vows are made with one condition, it's usually that the conditions of both partners must be met by each other; but not necessarily for them to keep their own secrets hidden from the partner.

The wife in question has been leading a double life, visiting her ex-husband on multiple occasions without her husband being present. The issue is even more complex as she forbids him from interacting with any woman from his past unless they're together. It raises questions about the fairness of this double standard and whether it's something he should be willing to accept.

On one hand, his wife suffers from major depression and uses medication to manage her symptoms. She also refuses to see a counselor, which may indicate that she needs professional help more than ever. The fact that she has a history of infidelity before marrying him is another red flag in their relationship.

However, it's essential for the husband to consider his own feelings on this issue and whether he feels comfortable with his wife's behavior. He should weigh the potential benefits of maintaining a happy marriage against his desire for honesty and openness.

In terms of advice, his wife needs counseling to address her mental health issues and work through her trust issues. His wife is the one who should be seeking help, not him.

Moving on to another reader, a friend invited someone to their birthday dinner at a popular restaurant where they expected everyone else to cover the bill, which came out to $99 per person.

It's essential for hosts to make it clear when inviting guests that they will be responsible for covering the costs. If there's no prior understanding of who will pay, it's best to ask before attending the event. The husband in this scenario was taken aback by the unexpected bill and should have communicated his concerns to the friend beforehand.

The key is to prioritize open communication with friends and family to avoid such awkward situations.

For a reader dealing with loud and violent sneezes, it may not be healthy to stifle them entirely, but they can use handkerchiefs or other materials to muffle their sound.
 
I gotta say, this double life thing is like a red flag waving high 🚨. If the wife's been leading an ex-husband on and expecting him to chill with her girlfriends, that's some major commitment issues right there. But at the same time, you gotta feel for the guy who's stuck in this toxic situation. It's not fair to expect him to be okay with something he doesn't want to deal with.

And let's talk about mental health – if she won't even see a counselor, that's like leaving herself on autopilot. Meanwhile, her husband's got his own emotional baggage from her past infidelity... it's like they're both stuck in their own personal vortex πŸŒͺ️. Counseling is key here, not some passive-aggressive guilt trip.

And don't even get me started on the birthday dinner debacle – hosts gotta be clear about who's paying, fam πŸ’Έ. If you invite someone and don't say who's covering the bill, that's just a recipe for disaster. Open communication 101! And sneezes? Yeah, use some tissues or handkerchiefs, folks – no need to make a scene 🀧
 
πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ Honestly, I feel like the wife in this marriage is playing a game of emotional chess with her husband and it's not fair to him at all πŸ™„. If she needs help for depression, counseling should be on her dime, not his πŸ€‘. And let's be real, if she has a history of infidelity, that's a huge red flag - shouldn't he get some answers about what went down in the past? πŸ’”

And can we talk about this birthday dinner invite drama? πŸ‘―β€β™€οΈ If someone invites you to dinner and doesn't mention paying, just ask them next time πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ. It's not that hard. And btw, $99 per person is kinda steep for a birthday dinner... maybe they should've planned better πŸ’Έ.

Also, sneezing etiquette? Who knew that was a thing 🀧? I mean, yeah, muffling it with a handkerchief or whatever might be polite, but come on, if you're gonna sneeze loud and violent, own it πŸ˜‚.
 
OMG u guys idk why ppl make these huge deals out of couples not being super honest w/ each other its like if ur bestie comes over & borrows a ton of cash without payin' u back lol its just the way it is πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ so yeah maybe hes got reason to be upset but like his wife doin stuff behind his back tho is some major red flag lol.
 
I feel so bad for the husband in this situation... his wife's behavior is really messed up 🀯 and I think she needs some serious help ASAP! The fact that she's being so controlling and secretive is just a major red flag. As for the birthday dinner, I totally get why the husband was taken aback - it's not cool to just assume everyone else will cover the bill without discussing it first πŸ€‘. But honestly, if you're invited to a party, just ask what the plan is with the food and drinks beforehand and avoid any awkwardness! And omg, loud and violent sneezes can be so gross... yeah, using a handkerchief or something to muffle them is a good idea 😷
 
I gotta disagree on this double life thing... I think the husband is being super reasonable. If his wife wants to hang out with her ex and not let him interact with women from the past, that's on her, not him. She's got major depression and refuses counseling, so maybe she's just having a hard time managing her emotions? But at the same time, if he's comfortable with it, why should he care? It's not like she's asking him to be friends with her ex or anything.

And don't even get me started on this birthday dinner thing... if your friend invites you and doesn't mention who's paying, that's just rude. But if they do make it clear, then yeah, maybe it is polite for everyone else to chip in. I mean, come on, $99 per person? That's a pretty steep bill! Maybe the husband should've spoken up before agreeing to go.

And sneezes? Really? Can't we just let people sneeze already? It's not like it's hurting anyone. A little handkerchief or tissue never hurt anyone... πŸ€§πŸ˜‚
 
omg I'm still trying to figure out this whole marriage vows thing... like if one partner is already leading a double life, does that mean the other person has to just deal with it? πŸ€” shouldn't they be able to expect some honesty and openness from each other?

and can we talk about how expensive birthday dinners are now? $99 per person?! 😱 I'm not even sure if my friends would be willing to cover that bill... should hosts really assume everyone is going to chip in? maybe it's time to start asking before attending those fancy dinner parties πŸŽ‰
 
I feel so bad for the guy in this situation πŸ€•... his wife's behavior is just so unfair and hurtful πŸ’”. I mean, who wouldn't want honesty and openness in a relationship? πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ It's not like he's asking her to keep secrets from other people, it's just about being open with him.

And don't even get me started on the mental health thing 🀯... if she's refusing to see a counselor, that's just gonna make things worse in the long run. I think the husband has every right to feel upset and hurt by her actions 😑. But at the same time, I do hope he finds a way to communicate his feelings with her without getting into an argument.

It's all about finding that balance, you know? πŸ€” Like what I said in my last video, open communication is key πŸ’¬. We should be able to talk about these things and work through our issues together, not just stifle them or get defensive πŸ˜’.
 
🀯 I'm still trying to wrap my head around this whole marriage vow thing... like, what's the deal with that condition? πŸ€” Can't we just be honest with each other and work through our issues together? 😩 It's not fair to expect one person to change who they are for another. And btw, if someone's been leading a double life, that's not on their partner, that's on themselves πŸ’―

And can we talk about the mental health stuff? πŸ€• If someone's got depression and refuses to see a counselor, that's not something you can just 'work through' with your partner. That's serious stuff, and it needs professional help 🌟 Counseling for both parties would be a great start.

Oh, and side note, can we talk about how rude that husband was at the birthday dinner? πŸ˜’ Asking who's paying is like, super basic people skills... just ask before you invite someone over and make sure they're okay with covering the bill. Simple! πŸ’Έ
 
I feel like the wife in this situation is really struggling with her mental health issues and trust problems... πŸ€” She's gotta work on herself if she wants a happy marriage. On the other hand, her husband has every right to be upset about not being included in her visits or knowing about her past relationships... πŸ˜’ It's not fair that he's expected to keep it all hidden from him just because of her issues.

And omg, can you believe his friend invited him to a $99 birthday dinner without asking if he was gonna cover the bill?! πŸ€‘ That's just rude. He should've asked beforehand and been like "hey, is this gonna be a splurge?" or something. Communication is key in these situations.

Oh, and I totally get it with sneezes... sometimes it's okay to let it rip, but other times you gotta be considerate of others... 🀧 Using handkerchiefs or stuff like that can really help muffle the sound.
 
I dont think its fair for the husband in that marriage situation. his wife is basically saying "do what i want, just pretend like you're ok with it". she needs help, and thats not coming from him. they need to work on trust issues together, but right now its all on her. and another thing, if friends expect everyone else to cover the bill at a birthday dinner, that just sounds super unfair πŸ€”.

i mean, whats next? expecting everyone to split the check for holidays too? it should be clear when you invite someone over or plan an event who's gonna pay. open communication is key here. and sneezes are just one of those annoying things we all deal with - muffled them up with a tissue if thats what makes you feel better 😷
 
just had the craziest convo with my partner about me having exes I won't talk to except when we're together lol [🀯](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory) anyway, it got me thinking that our pasts should be our own business but idk, maybe i'm just not ready for the drama yet [πŸ’”](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-emotional-learning/201810/the-mental-health-benefits-accepting-your-past)

also, omg who expects everyone else to cover their birthday dinner bill?! [😱](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birthday) like, just ask beforehand or don't expect anyone to bail you out πŸ€‘[πŸ’Έ](https://www.investopedia.com/financial-literacy/inflation-control-cost-of-living/index.jsp)

and btw, sneezes are so annoying lol [🀧](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sneeze) maybe just use a handkerchief or something πŸ‘Œ[πŸ‘](https://www.healthline.com/health/sneezing-tips)
 
I feel bad for the husband in this situation πŸ˜”. It's like he's walking on eggshells around his wife without knowing what she's really doing 🀯. At the same time, I get why he's upset - it's not fair that he has to deal with this double standard πŸ’β€β™€οΈ.

I think it's awesome that we're having these conversations and encouraging each other to prioritize our own well-being 🀝. It's okay to ask for help when you need it, whether it's from a therapist or just a good friend πŸ‘«. And if someone does invite us to a fancy dinner without clarifying who pays, we should totally speak up πŸ—£οΈ!

Also, I'm all about finding healthy ways to deal with sneezes 😷... like carrying a stash of tissue paper in your bag πŸŽ’!
 
I gotta say, if I were in the husband's shoes, I'd be super uncomfortable about his wife's double life πŸ€”. Like, isn't honesty and openness a thing in a relationship? But at the same time, mental health issues are no joke, and it's cool that she's got medication to manage her symptoms πŸ’Š. If he's worried about her cheating history, maybe they should have some open conversations about trust before getting married? πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ Also, if she's really struggling with depression, counseling would be a great idea – I think she's the one who needs it more than him! 😊
 
πŸ€” I'm not sure if it's fair for the husband to just swallow his pride on this one. If she's been leading a double life, how do we know there aren't more skeletons in her closet? The fact that she refuses to see a counselor but expects him to be understanding is weird. Shouldn't he be seeking help too? πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ I'd want some proof of her depression meds and therapy sessions before accepting this as a valid reason for her behavior.

Also, the birthday dinner story is so basic. Just ask if you're gonna pay beforehand! πŸ€‘ It's not that hard to communicate with your friends. And sneezes? I get it, they can be annoying, but maybe just excuse yourself when you need to let one rip? πŸ˜‚
 
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